Surrogacy is an arrangement, often supported by a legal agreement, whereby a woman agrees to bear a child for another person or persons, who will become the child's parent after birth.
What made you want to be a surrogate?
Hi my name is Morgan and I'm a Surrogate
Hi Morgan! may I ask what made you want to be a surrogate?
As my best friend was having her second child, I was talking with another friend of hers. I stupidly asked “When are you having kids?” And her response was blunt, she said she can’t and that she’s been trying. Again.. I stupidly asked “Why not adopt or use a surrogate”, she laughed at how ridiculous I sounded and explained how both are out of her price range. I FELT SO DUMB. And rude. I still kick myself for being too open about asking those questions. But I went home, did some research and fell down the rabbit hole of surrogacy.
THE SURROGATE PROCESS
What was the process like to become a surrogate?
The process was really long. Initially you do the application and background check, then the medical screening where they get access to all your medical records and then decide if you can go forward. From there it gets a bit more complicated. You send in some stuff about yourself and your family and they build the profile that the intended parents will view/chose you. After you’ve been chosen (during the profile process you chose which type of family you’d do this for), you get to meet with the family and if you both agree to the match then it’s baby time! Jk. It still takes forever. From there you have the contract and legal discussions with the assigned attorney, that can take months unless you agree to everything (I don’t recommend that). After the contracts were signed it went a little faster. Ex: I reached out to the agency Sept 2019, matched Sept 2020 (this was also because a few things had been delayed due to covid), signed contracts Nov 2020, started medications Dec 2020, embryo transfer Feb 2021, due date is mid Oct.
Did you know any other surrogates before you became one?
Yes, I went to school with a girl who went to the same agency that I’m currently using. She had an amazing experience and still loves the company. She also got a $1000 bonus for recommending me.
How has your experience been this far?
I would say it’s been a normal pregnancy so far but that would be a big fat lie. The beginning process is pretty rough with using all the IVF medications and injections to prep your body for pregnancy and until you’re about three months pregnant - you still have to use the injections. My booty was sore! But now - it’s just regular pregnancy. The intended parents that I have are not invasive at all and very caring so I don’t ever feel pressured or obligated to update them every second of the day. We discuss my OB appointments (I do not FaceTime them during those appointments due to discussing past pregnancies/history of my body). I do FaceTime them during every ultrasound though. They live in France so I’ve only got to meet them once due to covid and the flying restrictions. I will meet them again when the baby receives his eviction notice :)
What would you want other to know
What is something you would want someone who is considering becoming a surrogate to know? The good and the not so good
I would want them to realize it does consume your life, not necessarily in a bad way but for a good 2 years your life will revolve around prepping and making this precious baby for another family. The not so good for me is definitely the medications and injections. That process was miserable. Another thing is to have good communication with your employer so that they understand it’s not your baby but you’re still allowed to take your maternity leave. Generally the intended parents will pay for your leave (mine is 6 weeks, I wish I requested 8 since I am having a scheduled cesarean). Lastly, decide ahead of time what type of relationship you’d like with this family. I wanted a family that would be supportive during this process and it’s become much more than that, like a “side family” and the parents really want my husband and I to be like the auntie and uncle in this child’s life. I would have been happy with pictures and updates in the future but they wanted much more than that and I’m forever grateful. This is a wonderful thing to do for two families, remember you’re also being compensated so it will help your family tremendously as well.
Surrogacy is a beautiful journey - though it’s a little bumpy at times just like anything else in life - it’s SO worth it. To see the intended parents just sparkle with happiness and hear about how excited their family is, there’s just no other feeling like it. It’s absolutely worth it if your body, mind and support system is ready for it.